Mario's Christmas Carol
by Super Hyper Mario 128 III
Summary: It's a Mario twist on the Dickens classic! Merry Christmas, everybody!
1. Stave One

Waluigi was dead to begin with. There was no doubt about that. His death certificate was completely official, and signed by the clergyman, a goomba, the clerk, a koopa, the undertaker, a shy guy, and, most importantly, Wario. And if _Wario_ signed it then, well, no arguing about that. Waluigi was absolutely KOed.

Well, now that I think about it, KO means "Knocked Out", which Waluigi was far beyond, since he was dead, not simply knocked out. Nevertheless, it seems appropriate, despite it being not that accurate. So, yeah, Waluigi was definitely KOed.

Did Wario know he was dead? Of course! They were only partners at WarioWare Inc. for their entire adult lives! Wario was his only partner, equal, friend, and mourner. Heck, Wario really didn't even care that he died anyway. In fact, he made sure that his funeral was as skimp on costs as possible.

Mentioning of the funeral brings back the main point here: Waluigi was _dead_. Why try to make this so obvious? If I don't, then the whole rest of the story would be completely pointless. Like, if we didn't know that Princess Peach had lost her voice at the beginning of Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga, who'd give a flip that she was talking later in the game? Quite simply, Waluigi was dead, gone, deceased, kaput.

Now, enough about Waluigi. What about Wario? Don't get me started. He was the greediest, stingiest, penny-pinching miser one could ever meet. No one would ever want to get near him, and Wario, in turn, didn't want to be near them either. He was mean twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred sixty five days a year (and three hundred sixty six days a leap year).

Wario was the CEO of WarioWare Inc., a video game company. All of his employees were overworked and underpaid, and if they complained, out the door they went. One of these employees was a short Italian man named Mario. Aside from the names, Mario and Wario couldn't be farther apart. Mario was a nice guy, the type of person that you could trust anything with. He was kind, pleasant, humorous... and flat broke. Hence, he joined WarioWare Inc. to pay off his massive debt. Unfortunately, due to his current financial status, Wario had him work overtime in the basement with little or no break and, when Wario did manage to pay him (reluctantly, of course), the tax deductions reduced it to nothing more that enough to afford a cab home.

Thus, this went on for as long as poor Mario could remember until one cold, snowy winter's day. It was Christmas Eve, the coldest Christmas Eve in recent Mushroom Kingdom records, but, not surprisingly, the cold outside wasn't colder than Wario's heart. He had told Mario something that he had dreaded since he found out that WarioWare was losing money: He wasn't getting Christmas off.

"B-But W-Wario..." Mario protested, shivering in the coldness of the basement (despite the fact he was sitting near the heater, since it was turned off to save on gas bills), "I-I c-can't work on C-Christmas! I-I've got a w-wife and c-children and..."

"Well, hooray for you." Wario replied without any ping of sympathy, "I'm surprised that they still remember you, considering how many hours I put you to work down here."

"I-It's Christmas! S-Surely you'd a-agree to letting m-me have the d-day o-off..."

"Oh right, let me think about it. Ok, I thought about it. No."

Before Mario could plead with Wario more, Wario excused himself from the basement before, quoth Wario, "I catch phenomena from you, you pathetic excuse for a life." On his way back up, he walked by his secretary, Mona, who interrupted his march back to his office.

"Wario?" Mona reported in a particularly unpleasant tone, probably since she wasn't getting Christmas off either, "There's someone here to see you. Your nephew, I believe. I told him to wait in the lobby."

Wario grumbled as he changed his course and waltzed towards the lobby. Once there, Wario noticed a man a bit taller and skinnier than Mario looking around at the architectural achievement that was the lobby. The fact that he was wearing green and had a hat with an "L" embroidered on the front confirmed to Wario that it was indeed his nephew, Luigi.

"What do you want? I'm busy." Wario grunted

"Oh! Merry Christmas, Uncle!" Luigi shouted when he realized that Wario had addressed him.

"Bah!" Wario mumbled, "Goombug!"

"Christmas a goombug?" Luigi questioned, still trying to warm himself up after being out in the frigid cold just a few minutes earlier, "Heh, good one. You don't mean that, right?"

"Heck yeah!" Wario returned, quickly losing his patience, "Of course I mean it, you moron! What good is Christmas except for losing employees to some screwed-up little holiday that is only for whiny brats and religious lunatics!? If I had it my way, any idiot who'd even mention the word would be crushed under a Thwomp, chewed up by a Piranha Plant, and blown to bits by a Bob-omb!"

"Uncle! How can you say that? I know that you may think Christmas is little more than a nuisance, but, truth be told, it's a whole lot more than that! It's a time of giving and charity. It's a time for meeting with friends and family. And, most importantly..." Luigi paused for a moment like he was charging up to release a really powerful speech, "It was the time that, about two-thousand years ago, the greatest gift of all was given: A little child who would bring hope to all humanity. How can you call _that_ a goombug, uncle?"

"Way to go, Luigi!" Came a voice from seemingly nowhere.

Wario looked around and noticed that the voice came from one of the air vents. Apparently, the air vent lead straight down to the basement, and Mario was listening in on the entire conversation!

"One more comment from _you_..." Threatened Wario to the air vent, "And you won't have to worry about getting Christmas off since you won't be around!"

Then, Wario turned his attention back to Luigi.

"As for you, you are quite the powerful preacher. Unfortunately for you, it confirms my theory: Christmas is for religious nutcases. Now, why did you come here to begin with? It wasn't to give me a 'Turn or Burn' lecture, I'm sure."

"Oh yeah, right!" Luigi stumbled as he pulled an envelope out of his cap and handed it to Wario, "I came here to invite you to my annual Christmas Eve party tonight! You want to come?"

"No."

"Oh! Um... Ok, how about my annual Christmas Day dinner tomorrow night?"

"No!"

"Erm... My annual New Year's Eve bash?"

"NO!!!" Wario screamed, shredding Luigi's invitation into confetti, "DON'T YOU GET IT!? I DON'T DO CHRISTMAS!!! NOW, GET OUT BEFORE I SHRED A WHOLE FREAKIN' LOT MORE THAN THIS LETTER!!!"

Luigi, wisely getting the hint, began to run for the door. As he was about to leave, he turned around to give Wario his final farewells.

"Well, if you want to come anyway, feel free."

"Get out."

"Ok, very well. Farewell, Uncle!"

"Get out!"

"Merry Christmas!"

"GET OUT!!!"

"And a Happy New Year!"

Before Wario could throw one of the sofas in the lobby at Luigi, he turned back to the door and proceeded to exit. However, before he could push on the revolving doors, they began moving on their own, giving Luigi a not-so-gentle shove out. As soon as Luigi left the scene, the doors revolved enough to reveal another pair of characters entering. One was an old Goomba, and the other was a rather dapper Koopa Troopa. Both of them were wearing archeology gear, and both of them were holding clipboards, calculators, and other things that gave away to Wario that they were trying to raise money.

"Mr. Wario, I presume?" The Koopa Troopa asked, "Or are you Waluigi? I heard that they were partners at this facility."

"You've got to be kiddin' me..." Wario replied, "Waluigi has been pushin' up daisies for seven years! In fact, he died this very night!"

"Well, hey, you don't have to be so rude." The old Goomba grunted, "I mean, you just had to say, 'I'm Wario. Waluigi has been dead seven years this night.' Or something like that..."

The Goomba stopped when the Koopa Troopa elbowed him in his side, and the Koopa Troopa proceeded to take over for the conversation.

"My name is Kolorado and my friend here is Professor Frankly. We are here to sponsor the 'No Toad Left Behind' program, a program that allows those who are too poor for even the most meager of necessities. And..." Kolorado continued, either unaware or ignoring Wario's obvious boredom, "At this time of year, it is most important. Christmastime is a time of charity, you know! So! What can I put you down for?"

"Nothing."

"Uh... Nothing?" Frankly questioned.

"Nothing. Zippo. Zilch. Nada."

"Are you sure about that?" Kolorado asked.

"Hey, my tax dollars are going towards keeping those wretches alive in prison, where they belong. Isn't that good enough for you?"

"B-But most of them don't even have _those_ comforts! They are living out on the streets! And some of them would rather die than go into prison!"

"Oh, good. Then why don't they? It'd save me a heck of a lot of money on taxes! Now, get out of here before I do something that might cause you to have to raise money for your medical bills!"

Kolorado and Frankly, realizing that this was getting them nowhere, excused themselves from Wario's presence. On their way out, Wario thought he heard Frankly call him a cheapskate, but what did he care? He was Wario! He stormed off to his office on the top floor of the building, and proceeded to check up on his finances for the umpteenth time.

Meanwhile, it grew colder and it snowed harder. In fact, as the sun was setting on that Christmas Eve, most people withdrew indoors to keep from freezing their noses, tails, shells, or whatever appendages they had, off. The only people still out on the street were some last-minute shoppers and a small group of carolers. The shoppers enjoyed the carolers' company, but when those poor singers went near the WarioWare building, they didn't even get past "He is born, the holy child" before they had to dodge falling Bob-ombs Wario kept in his desk drawer for this kind of "emergency".

Soon after, it was closing time for WarioWare Inc. Everyone said their farewells... Except Wario, of course. He just sat on one of the sofas in the lobby and reminded everyone that they were working the next day. As he was sitting there, he listened in on everyone's conversations and began making _his_ Christmas list.

"Ah ha!" Dr. Crygor shouted as he punched his timecard out, "It's not that late! I can still perform my scientificky experiment that will prove that Santa Claus exists!"

"_I hope he falls off the roof and breaks his neck._" Wario thought to himself.

"Hey, Spitz!" Dribble yelled, "You think some people would still need a ride home? We can still make an extra buck or two!"

"_Yeah, and give it to me._"

"Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!" 9-Volt mumbled to himself excitedly while he skateboarded out the door, "Tomorrow's Christmas! And I know what I'm getting: A Nintendo DS!!!"

"_Heh... Good thing I told his mom he wanted a PSP._"

The last person to leave was Mario. Pulling his ragged jacket (if you can call it that) from the closet, he clocked out and made his way to the door before Wario stopped him.

"Yo, Mario." Wario snorted, "About that day off? You were the only one who had the guts to complain about my decision. I like that. You can take the day off... BUT you're not getting paid for the day and you better get here an hour earlier on the twenty-sixth or you're FIRED!!!"

"Oh, thank you, Wario!" Mario shouted in relief, "I sure will!"

"Yeah, whatever... Get out before I change my mind."

Mario raced out the door and ran all the way home. He didn't care how cold it was, for the thought of being able to spend Christmas with his family warmed him up enough to fight off the bitter cold.

Wario, on the other hand, climbed into his purple convertible parked out on the street (while complaining about how the snow got all over the leather in the car), and drove to the nearby deli to have his "Christmas dinner": Bacon, bacon, and more bacon, all washed down with a gallon of bacon grease. Then, he proceeded home.

There's an old saying that a man's home is his castle, but for Wario, that wasn't figurative, it was literal. Wario's castle was an impressive sight to behold: It rose five stories off the ground and it had everything a castle should have, including a moat. On the front of the castle was a big, purple "W", letting everyone within a five mile radius know who owned, as Wario liked to call it, "The Ninth Wonder of the World... The eighth one's me."

Now, as Wario got out of his car and walked towards the front door, let it be known that the knocker on the door was in all ways normal. In fact, the only thing slightly weird was that, despite Wario's ego, the knocker was shaped like a lion's head, rather than Wario's. It was plain as day, Wario saw that lion's head every night as he returned home from work, and any passerby could easily see it also. So, if it was normal, how come when Wario was unlocking the door and causally glanced up, he saw not a lion's, but Waluigi's head!?

Yes, Waluigi's head! He looked just like he always did at the office: He had a scowl on his face and his hat was pulled over his eyes, making it near impossible to tell what he was looking at. When Wario noticed this, he did a double-take, but when he focused on the knocker again, it was a lion's head once more.

"Whoa, ok, that was weird..."

Even though Wario wasn't scared easily, he _did_ walk into his castle a little more slowly than normal, and he _did_ look on the back side of the door, half-expecting to see the back of Waluigi's head there. It wasn't, of course.

"Ha! I must be going crazy..." Wario mumbled to himself as he shut the door.

Or, more specifically, slammed it. When it shut, the proceeding bang rang throughout the entire castle, from the dungeons in the basement that Wario never used to the attic that, also, Wario never used. Wario wasn't afraid of loud noises, however, so he simply ignored the clamor and proceeded to the upper levels.

Unfortunately, things just kept getting weirder. In the darkness of the staircase (Wario was too lazy to bother finding the light switch), Wario swore he thought he saw a _hearse_, of all things, driving up the stairs!

Naturally, Wario pretended not to be frayed at all by this, ahem, unusual incident, but he really was. This was proven by the fact that, once upstairs, he checked every room, bedroom, bathroom, and pool room, for anything suspicious more carefully then if ghost-busting Luigi was doing it, before he retired to the sitting room for a little quiet time. Of course, he still double-locked the door before he took a seat, something he wouldn't have done if he hadn't seen Waluigi's head on that door knocker.

Wario grabbed a book from the bookcase (it was his autobiography, Wario: The Brains Behind the Boogers) and pulled his seat up to the fireplace. The fireplace was adorned with carvings of old Mushroom Kingdom legends, from the Beanstar being put to sleep to the four heroes sealing the Shadow Queen behind the Thousand-Year Door. However, for one moment, that wasn't what Wario saw. Instead, every panel on the fireplace had a picture of Waluigi's head!

"WHA!!!" Wario screamed (like a little girl), "G-G-Goombug! I don't believe it!"

Suddenly, the bell in the highest tower in his castle, with no natural forces involved, started to ring. Then, every bell in the castle, the doorbell, the bells in the music room, every single one, started ringing. Loudly.

This went on for... Who knows? Maybe a minute. Maybe an hour. For Wario, he didn't care, as long as it stopped. When it did, though, another noise could be heard. Somewhere in the basement, he heard chains. As he heard the chains come out of the basement, up the stairs, and towards his room, it ran through his mind that Professor Elvin Gadd, his old school teacher, said that most _ghosts_ carried chains...

"Uh... It's goombug still!"

He wasn't saying that when, ignoring the double-locks, the ghost walked through the door, revealing to him who the ghost was...

"W-W-W-W..." Wario stumbled like an idiot, "W-W-W-Waluigi?"

It sure was. He was as skinny as Wario last saw him in his coffin, and he was still wearing his purple/black overall/shirt combination. However, he was also wearing two new things: A bandage around his head and chains. The chains completely entangled him, and on the chains were things like piggy banks and safes, as well as the occasional Nintendo game controller, probably to symbolize that he worked at a video game company or something. Also, Waluigi was transparent. Wario could see the door behind him. Wario always thought that Waluigi was a wuss and had no guts, but he didn't think it was literal. Waluigi approached Wario, and Wario tried to fight him off.

"Wait!" Wario shouted, "Hold it right there! What do you want with me, you freak?"

"A whole freakin' lot." Was Waluigi's reply. Yep, it was definitely Waluigi's voice.

"So... Um... Partner..." Wario muttered nervously, pointing to the lounge chair next to him, "You wanna sit down? Or, being a ghost, will you fall through the chair and I can laugh uproariously?"

"Sure. I _can_ control what I float through, you know!"

"No, I really don't."

"You don't believe my existence, do you?" Waluigi asked darkly as he took a seat.

"O-Of course not!" Wario stumbled.

"You can see me with your senses. Why don't you believe your senses?"

"B-Because the senses can be affected so easily! You could be nothing more than a poison mushroom, or a rotten fire flower, or something in that bacon at the deli! I knew that butcher had a suspicious air around him! When I get my hands on him I'll..."

"Stop talking about food. You're making me hungry."

Wario, slightly panicking since he was dealing with a _sarcastic_ ghost, grabbed a pen sitting on the end table next to him.

"You see this pen?"

"Yeah... Your point?"

"To prove that you are just an illusion, I'll swallow this thing, and if I'm tortured endlessly by shy guys or something until it comes out the other end, then I'll be right, so HA!"

Waluigi didn't take kindly to the threat. He let out a loud, ghostly moan that caused Wario to sink into his chair to defend himself. When he looked at Waluigi again he had removed the bandage around his head and his jaw dropped down until it was in his lap!

"Do you believe me now?" Waluigi asked to a Wario whose jaw was dropped as far as a normal person's could.

"Y-Y-Yeah... What the heck do you want?"

"Why, it's very simple. Since I was a jerk in life, not caring about the world around me, I'm doomed to stay on this earth for eternity, seeing forever what I use to not care about. Any more dumb questions?"

"What do the chains have to do with anything?"

"That would be a yes... Anyway, these chains are the chains I have forged during my lifetime. Link by link, I made them. There's one for every bad thing I did, so, basically, I made, and am wearing them, on my own free will. As for these controllers, well... It just tells everyone who sees me, which isn't a whole lot of people, what it was that I was so wrapped up in to ignore the world."

"D-Don't t-tell m-me..." Wario shuttered, terrified at the fate of his old friend, "I-I'm forging those s-same c-chains right now, aren't I?"

"What, are you kiddin'? Your chains were this bad when _I_ died, seven years ago this day! Even worse, the controllers on your chains are... **_X-BOX CONTROLLERS!!! AND THEY'RE THE OLD FAT ONES, NOT THE NEW SMALL ONES!!!_**"

Waluigi said this so loud, Wario was afraid that the cops would bust in and arrest him for disturbance of the peace, but Wario wasn't as afraid of this as he was of his impending fate.

"B-But there must be some way to save my butt, right? I mean, I don't want X-Box controllers ruining my business."

Waluigi tried to whack Wario upside the head but, being a ghost, his arm just went though Wario's noggin.

"Weird, I didn't feel that." Wario commented.

"And I didn't feel any brain in there either." Waluigi replied bluntly, "Now, Wario, my old friend, listen if you want any hope of undoing your fate."

"Let me guess... Act nice, and I'll be safe, right?"

"Acting nice has nothing to do with it. I'm sure Grodus acted nice to his X-Nauts when he was in a good mood, but that didn't mean he was a good man. And I am not one who can save you, either, for my time is nearly up to be here before I have to wander the world once more."

"So, does that mean that I'm screwed no matter what I do? 'Cuz that would kinda stink."

"There is but one way to save yourself."

"And that is...?"

"Tonight, yes tonight, so don't even think about going to the store and buying a camera, you will be visited by three ghosts..."

"Is that counting you?"

"No, that is not counting me, so it would really be _four_ ghosts if you're counting it that way."

"Dang."

"Expect the first one when the clock strikes one..."

"You mean I can't even deal with them all at once!?"

"Just shut up, ok? Anyway, expect the second one at two o' clock, and so on and so forth. Listen to what they say, or you'll never be able to save yourself. Now, farewell, Wario. May I see you in the afterlife, hopefully without chains!"

Before Wario could protest anymore, Waluigi grabbed the bandage and tied it around his head again. He stood up and walked towards the window, which mysteriously opened as he approached it. Wario ran up after Waluigi, but stopped when Waluigi held his hand. Suddenly, Waluigi started to float and he flew, with an eerie, ghostly noise on his lips, out the window! Wario stuck his head out the window after Waluigi had left and what he saw terrified him.

Apparently, Waluigi wasn't the only lost soul doomed for eternity. The entire sky was filled with beings of all kinds, toads, koopas, goombas, all were chained, all moaned their ghostly moans, and none were free. Even more shocking was that Wario actually recognized some of the souls as people he had met in his lifetime. Whether they disappeared or if they became the clouds didn't matter, they and their shrieks of pain and anguish faded away from Wario's eyes until the night looked like it did before the incident happened.

The flabbergasted Wario closed the window and approached the sitting room door. It was double-locked, just like it was before Waluigi entered. In fact, Wario was about to say "Goombug" about the whole ordeal, but he stumbled on the first syllable. Instead, he, being tired from what had just passed, walked over to his bedroom and hit the sack without even bothering to change into his PJs.


	2. Stave Two

Later in the night, Wario began tossing and turning before eventually waking up. The first thing he heard was the bell in the bell tower ring once.

"Wha... Eh? What the..." Wario mumbled, still half asleep, "Its 1AM? Wasn't that when Waluigi said... No! Impossible! That was just a bad dream! I still have to pound the butcher's face in for giving me that bad bacon! I am most certainly _not _going to be visited by any ghosts, and that's final!"

"Oh, yeah?"

Wario's heart (if he had one) stopped for about half a minute after hearing someone actually replying to his denial. Suddenly, the curtain he was facing (it was a canopy bed) was pulled aside to reveal who Wario suspected was one of the ghosts.

The ghost was a female toad with pink spots on her little mushroom head. Hanging off the sides of her head were pigtails that had tiny pink 'shrooms on their tips. Also, she seemed to be glowing as she approached Wario and began to address him.

"Hello, Wario. I am the Ghost of Christmas Past."

"Eh... Do I have to call you that all the time? Cuz 'Ghost of Christmas Past' is quite a mouthful. Can I call you Pasty or something?"

"Boy, you're as annoying as they said you'd be... Anyway, if you must, you can call me Spirit. I don't like it as much as 'Ghost of Christmas Past' but it's sure as heck better than 'Pasty'."

"Ok, Pasty it is! Now, what do you want?"

"Do you _want_ me to hurt you?"

"Gee, you have a 'tude, don'tcha?"

"Well, it's the only way to get through your thick skull. To answer your first question, I'm here for your welfare."

"My _what_!?" stumbled a clueless Wario.

"Welfare: Noun. Health, happiness, and general well-being."

"I'm still confused..."

"I'M HERE TO SAVE YOUR BUTT, OK!?"

"Yikes! Ok! Got it! But, um, how are you gonna do that?"

"Let me show you." The spirit (or "Pasty", but we'll stick with Spirit) answered as she walked towards the window, "Well, what are you waiting for? Get up."

"Um, hold up there, Pasty..." Wario grumbled, getting out of bed and joining the spirit at the window, "I don't think jumping out a window is gonna help my 'welfare' too much..."

"If you hold my hand, nothing will happen."

Wario squeezed the spirit's hand so hard he almost cut off her blood circulation (if spirits had one, anyway).

"Let me rephrase that..." The spirit moaned impatiently, "Nothing _bad_ will happen."

"Dang."

When Wario was done complaining, they walked through the wall. On the other side was not the city, like Wario expected, but rather a country side. After a moment of thought, Wario realized where he was.

"Hey, I remember this place!" Wario shouted, practically jumping up and down with excitement, "This was where I was born!"

"Yes, such humble beginnings..." The spirit mumbled sarcastically, "Whatever happened...? Anyhow, do you remember the way to the village?"

"Remember it!? I could walk it with my eyes closed! Unless, of course, someone dug a big hole in the middle of the road, then I might not make it, but aside from that..."

While Wario continued to ramble, the spirit dragged him towards the nearby town. Along the way, Wario's babble soon turned from describing how well he knew how to get to town to him recognizing all the houses and trees and people they met. At one point, Wario tried to talk to one of the people he remembered fondly.

"Hiya!" Wario addressed a toad, "Haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"

The toad made no reply.

"Um... I said 'how have you been?'"

No reply.

"You know..." Wario growled, quickly losing his temper, "When I talk to people, I expect them to answer!"

Wario attempted to whack the toad upside the head, but instead of making contact, his hand went right through the toad!

"Wha...?" Wario wondered.

"They are just ghosts of the past, you moron." The spirit explained rather bluntly, "They can't see you."

The spirit's dry comments didn't hamper Wario's extreme happiness about being home. It was kinda weird, Wario, who _hated_ Christmas, was as excited as some of the villagers walking around! Of course, the spirit managed to bring him down to earth (she really seemed to be _made_ to lecture at Wario!).

"You know, you seem rather happy to be here _now_. Where were you when this was actually happening?"

Wario's smile immediately faded as he realized what the spirit was referring to.

She led him to a schoolhouse on a hill near the town and showed him inside. It was one of those old fashioned ones with the red wooden walls and a small bell on the top. The inside was walled and floored with dark wood and contained rows of desks facing a blackboard. The desks were empty, with the exception of one with a small child working tediously on some schoolwork. Even though the child looked as innocent as any other, Wario realized that it was... himself.

"That's... That's... me..." Wario stuttered, "I practically never left the school! The other kids used to make fun of me..."

Wario's statement was proven correct when a snowball flew through a window, went through Wario's head (since he really wasn't in the "past", par se), and went _splat!_ against young Wario's face. When he (young Wario) looked around to see who hit him, he saw a young Mario with an evil grin waving at him from outside the window.

"Yo! Wario!" Mario shouted, "Ya gonna sit in there all day, reading that stupid book or what!? What a nerd! Ha ha!"

"Grr..." (adult) Wario grumbled as he watched (young) Mario run off, "That jerk. Well, he's my slave... erm... subordinate now, so HA to you!"

Young Wario was about to break down and cry when the classroom door opened and in stepped a young Yoshi. The Yoshi was holding a red berry in his little hands and when he approached young Wario, he placed the berry on his desk.

"I... I remember that Yoshi! When I was all alone, he came in and said hi! And, if I recall, he had two brothers! Yeah! There was that punk one, I think his name was Boshi, and his baby brother... What was his name again? Ah, yes! He called himself 'The Great Gonzales Jr.'! Didn't one of those three get hitched to Birdo? Who woulda thunk..." Wario trailed off.

"You ok there?" The spirit asked.

"Gee... It's nothing. I just realized that I kinda treated a caroler a little harshly yesterday. Methinks I shoulda been a little kinder to him..."

"You _are_ getting a little soft, ya know."

"Wha... YIKES! I mean... um... forget that! Can we go home now?"

"No..." The spirit replied, knowing that she was getting through to him, "Let's see another Christmas!"

As soon as the spirit said these words, the world seemed to go in fast-forward. The classroom, and young Wario, aged considerably. By the time everything slowed down, the school was on the border of being considered run-down and "young" Wario was now a teenager (Wario as a teenager... Scary, huh?). Teenage Wario was _still_ doing schoolwork when the door opened and a young girl came running in and hugged Wario, nearly pulling him off his seat.

"Wario!" The little girl shouted jumping up and down clapping to her own little beat, "I've come to bring you home, brother! You can come home! Home, HOME, **_HOME_**!!!"

"Home, sis?" Teenage Wario asked, "I can come home?"

"You bet! It's a whole lot nicer at home now! And Dad said that you have had enough school and that you're ready to get apprenticed! You'll never have to come back here again! Of course, we'll be together for Christmas before you have to get a job, it will be a most merry time!"

"You are quite the little woman, Miss Éclair." Wario replied.

Wario slammed his schoolbook for the final time and threw it halfway 'cross the room. He leaped off his chair and was in the process of running out the door with Éclair when he was stopped abruptly by his teacher: Professor Elvin Gadd.

"You're leaving me, eh?" Gadd questioned, handing Wario the book he just nearly wiped him out with, "Well, I can't blame you. This schoolhouse is on the verge of collapsing anyway, and I taught you all you will probably need to know. Good luck out there and Merry Christmas!"

"And a Merry Christmas to you too, sir!" Wario yelled as a reply while Éclair dragged him out the door.

"Éclair was a kind, gentle soul." The spirit commented to the present day Wario who was watching his past self walk out the door with his sis, "It's a shame she died in childbirth, isn't it?"

"Yeah..." Wario mumbled in shame, "At least the child was ok."

"True... That child is your nephew, Luigi!"

While Wario thought about this, the scene changed again, but this time, the place changed, not just the time. Now, they were in the city streets. Wario looked around, trying to figure out where he was this time when he heard disco music coming from somewhere nearby. This was enough for Wario to figure out what point of his life he was in and he ran towards the source of the music, kicking snow up into the spirit's face. When he reached the source, it turned out to be Club Sugar, a disco club who's owner Wario knew very, very well. Sure enough, when Wario busted through the doors, his old boss was there, working as the DJ while tons of other people were dancing to Christmas disco.

"Why... Why..." Wario stuttered as the spirit just walked in, "It's my old boss, Jimmy T.! Heh, kinda ironic now that he works for _me_..."

"Oh, yeah!" Jimmy hollered to the group of enthusiastic dancers, "Now THAT'S the Jingle Bell Rock, baby! How 'bout we cool things down with a little slow jazz?"

Soon, a jazzy version of "Winter Wonderland" began playing and, while some people (mostly couples) kept dancing, most returned to the tables that dotted the outside of the dance floor and began ordering their dinner. Unfortunately, only one waiter wearing skates was rolling around, trying to take everybody's orders and failing miserably. It might have been the fact that he was trying to wear an afro wig that blocked his vision. That was when Wario realized who the loser was.

"That's ME!?" Wario screamed, "I wore a FRO!? What the heck was I thinkin'?"

"Actually..." The spirit corrected, "The question should be: What was your boss thinking?"

"Oh yeah... Maybe that was why I brought that stupid disco, so no one would have to go through that horror again."

While present day Wario was ranting, fro-wearin' Wario had just took a break and was sitting at the bar, ordering some chuckola cola. Then, fro Wario noticed a rather attractive girl sitting next to him. He tried to talk to her, but he just couldn't get the words out. Luckily, she started the conversation for him.

"So, you hang out here often?" The girl asked.

"Um... Yeah, I kinda work here..." Wario stumbled.

"You idiot," present Wario grumbled, "That is NOT the way to get the girls! What a moron!"

"Is that why you wear that fro wig?" The girl continued.

"Yeah, the boss makes me wear it, to be in character or something."

"Well, I don't like it." The girl stated flatly as she pulled his wig off, "What's your name, anyway?"

"Uh... Wario. And yours?"

"Mona." The girl replied, looking at the dance floor, "You wanna dance?"

"WHAT!? I mean... Sure!" Wario shouted as he pulled his roller skates off, "I'd be honored! I think they're doing 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire' next..."

The "odd couple" of Wario and Mona walked away from the bar and on to the dance floor. Strangely enough, they weren't that bad at dancing at all, and soon a small crowd of spectators were watching them. Present day Wario watched it all with a small smile on his face.

"My, isn't this such a waste of time and money!" The spirit exclaimed sarcastically.

"Whadaya mean a waste!?" Wario shouted, starting to sound like himself from the past rather than the present, "I was happy! Happiness is worth whatever it takes!"

Wario went quiet for a second.

"What's the matter now?" The spirit questioned.

"Well... I'm just thinking about how mean I am to that Mario guy. Maybe I should be kinder to him from now on..."

Wario continued to watch his past self dance. As the song slowly came to a close, past Wario and Mona were close together, as if they were about to kiss.

"Aw, gee... Mona..." Present Wario sighed, "She was the best thing to ever happen to me..."

"Oh, really now?" The spirit mocked, "Look, my time grows short, so allow me to show you what, apparently, _was_ the best thing that ever happened to you."

The scene changed again, and this time it was in a foggy, snow-covered park. On a park bench sat a Wario who was clearly already becoming the greedy old miser that he was presently and a tear-filled Mona. The spirit didn't say anything, she just let Wario listen in on his past-self's conversation.

"S-So that's it then?" Sobbed Mona, "Just because I can't pay off that loan, you're forcing me into bankruptcy?"

"You got a problem with that?" Sneered Wario, "Money is the only thing that matters. The man who dies with the most toys wins, and I'm not going to allow myself to be a loser. It was _my_ money you borrowed, it's not my fault that you blew it on worthless stuff."

"I needed it for a missions trip to Rougeport!" Mona protested, "It wasn't worthless! It led lots of people to Christ!"

"Yay for you. Did any of them suddenly become rich from it? No? Then what was the point?"

"There's more to life than money."

"Like breathing? How 'bout you die then and save my planet's oxygen?"

"WARIO! Don't you remember the dance!? Whatever happened to you?"

"I grew up."

"So?"

"I know more now, like that the only thing that matters is how big your bank account is. I don't need any of your frivolous things, like love or mercy or _Jesus_..." Wario emphasized the last word like it was some sort of foreign disease, "So if you have a problem with that, I suggest you make like a toad in Forever Forest and GET LOST!!!"

"So, you don't love me anymore?" Mona asked.

Wario didn't feel a ping of remorse when he gave his reply, "No."

"F-Fine..." Mona shuttered as she stood up and walked off. As she was about to disappear from sight, she turned around and shouted, "May you be happy with the life you now lead!"

"And now," The spirit began, looking at the pain in Wario's (present day Wario, of course) face, "She has to work for _you_ to pay off that same debt. Isn't it all so perfect?"

"Spirit..." Wario whispered, not realizing that, for the first time, he didn't call her Pasty, "Why are you getting such kicks outta torturing me!?"

"These are just shadows of your past. Don't blame me!"

Wario lost his temper at this point. He grabbed the spirit by her pigtails and hoisted her up to his eye-level.

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THESE 'SHADOWS'!!! I'M GETTIN SICK OF THEM! TAKE ME BACK! NOW!!!"

When the spirit didn't reply, Wario started swinging his arm, ready to punch the spirits lights out. However, when he brought his fist towards the spirit, she disappeared and in her place was Wario's bedpost!

"HOLY FRIGGIN' SHROM!!!" Wario screamed as he pulled his fist out of the wooden pole, "OW OW OW OW OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!"

When the pain finally died down, Wario took another look at his bed and suddenly felt really sleepy. Without much motivation, Wario pulled himself into the bed, under the covers, and fell into a deep sleep.


	3. Stave Three

Wario was in the middle of dreaming about eating a five pound marshmallow when he woke up choking on his pillow. After spiting the bag of down out of his mouth, he observed that it was five minutes to two!

"What? Oh, no... Not again!" Wario shouted, "Well, I'll show him. That next spirit won't surprise me this time!"

Wario then proceeded to pull back all the curtains surrounding his canopy bed. He kept his eyes on all the sides for the next five minutes, ready to slug whatever appeared. However, when the clock struck two, no spirit appeared! Instead, Wario noticed that a light was shining around the cracks in the door between his bedroom and the sitting room. Slowly, Wario got out of bed and approached the door. When his hand was on the doorknob, an obnoxious, high pitched voice called to him from the other side.

"Hey! What are you waiting for? Come in and say 'Hi!' already!"

Of course, Wario wasn't about to say no (there wasn't any other way out of his bedroom, anyway), so he entered the sitting room.

The sitting room was quite different since the time Wario had his conversation with Waluigi in it. It was really bright, like there was a fire in it that was to big for the fireplace to handle, and the smell of something cooking loomed in the air. As Wario stepped inside, he immediately slipped on something and landed on his big fat butt. When he looked for what caused him to fall, Wario found a banana peel lying not far from where he had slipped. That was when Wario noticed that the whole room was filled with bananas! Bananas were piled to the ceiling! There were bananas bigger than any he had seen! And, if there was a food item in the room that wasn't a plain ol' banana, it was banana pie, roasted banana, or a banana split!

"Oh, sorry." Came the high pitched voice again, "I forgot I left that there. Allow me to introduce myself: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present!"

Wario looked up and saw, sitting on top of one of the smaller piles of bananas, a little monkey. He was wearing a red tee shirt with a star pattern on it and a red baseball cap. Around the baseball cap, in an attempt to look festive, was a holy wreath. While Wario stared in awe, the spirit noticed the inquisitive look on his face.

"What? You haven't seen anyone like me before?"

"Not in particular..." Wario replied.

"You haven't seen any of my brothers? They all look kinda like me."

"Um, how many do you have?"

"Aw, gee... I'm not very good at math. One of my brothers is but not me. Um... Let's see... Carry the two... Multiply by the reciprocal... Oh, I'd say about two thousand."

"WHAT!? TWO THOUSAND!? THAT'S, LIKE, A BROTHER FOR EVERY CHRISTMAS!"

The spirit looked at Wario without saying anything.

"Oh, I get it..." Wario mumbled, "There _is_ one for every Christmas, right?"

"Bingo. And each of our lifespans is one Christmas Eve."

"I bet age must catch up with you quickly! HA! I made a joke! Ain't I hilarious?"

"Right..." The spirit moaned before immediately perking back up again, "So, what are we waiting for? We're burning moonlight!"

Suddenly, a crude jet pack made a barrel (probably a barrel of gunpowder), flew up behind the spirit and strapped itself to his back.

"Let's go!" The spirit shouted, "Grab onto my tail and hold on!"

"Wait a second!" Wario protested, "We're going to travel on that... that... _thing_? It looks like something from Ape Escape!"

"Well, what did you expect? The Polar Express?"

Wario remained quiet when he couldn't come up with any witty reply.

"Just as I thought. Now, hurry up!"

Reluctantly, Wario obeyed. When he had a firm grip on the spirit's tail, the jet pack ignited and the next thing Wario knew, he and the spirit were crashing through the same window that Waluigi had departed from earlier. The firm grip became a death grip as the two of them flew over the city, hundreds of feet above the ground. In fact, Wario was freaking out so much from the height, that he didn't notice what was right in front of him and slammed into a weathervane! At that point, it was a one-way trip to the city streets. Fortunately, Wario managed to survive, and watched as the spirit gracefully landed on his two feet and the jet pack detach from his back and fly off.

"I said to hold on." The spirit repeated.

"Oh, shut up..."

Looking around, Wario noticed that it seemed like it was before he even left the office. It was dusk, and the streets were still somewhat filled with shoppers. The lights in the houses were on, sending a warm glow outside.

"Hey, wait a sec..." Wario grumbled, eyeing the spirit, "I thought it was two in the morning. What the heck!? Technically, that isn't even Christmas Eve!"

"Well, ok..." The spirit admitted, "I use the term 'Present' loosely... Uh-oh, hold on."

The spirit ran over to two toads who were yelling at each other with a pile of wrapped gifts around them on the snowy ground. It didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out what had happened: The two of them, not being able to see each other over their high piles of presents, slammed into each other and both were currently blaming the other guy for the mess. The spirit, in response to this argument, took his baseball cap off and pulled something that looked like confetti out of it. He sprinkled it on the two toads and almost immediately, they stopped fighting and began helping each other restack their gifts and go on their way with a "Merry Christmas!". Wario, dumbfounded, walked over to the spirit and asked what was going on.

"Eh? What was that? Confetti?"

"This," The spirit began, holding in his palm the stuff in question, "Is a spice. It's kinda like a Christmas spice."

"That's nice," Wario stated flatly, "What flavor?"

"It's my own."

"So, ya gonna put that on any actual food?"

"To food given kindly. And the poor gets the most."

"Dare I ask why?"

"Simple. They need it the most."

Wario and the spirit continued walking, and the spirit continued to sprinkle the spice on all who needed it, from a shivering koopa in a makeshift Santa outfit standing next to a charity pot to a yoshi struggling under the weight of ten presents stacked on his back. Soon, practically everyone was full of Christmas cheer. Wario saw this and, despite how hard he tried, he couldn't help but smile.

"Wow, spirit." Wario mumbled, "Is every one, like, super happy now, or something?"

"Actually, yes." The spirit replied, "But don't worry, we'll be back, but for now..."

The jet pack suddenly reappeared and strapped itself to the spirit's back again.

"We've got the rest of the world to cover!"

"Aw, nuts..." Wario moaned, "Not again..."

Even more reluctantly than the first time, Wario grabbed onto the spirit's tail, and soon they were off again, but this time, they went too high into the clouds to see the ground below. After about a minute, the spirit (and this time, Wario also) landed gently on the ground as the jet pack flew off for a second time.

"_Now_ where are we?" Wario questioned.

"Well, according to my map," The spirit answered, glancing at a road map he pulled out from seemingly nowhere, "We're in Station Square, and I think I know someone who needs a little Christmas cheer!"

The first thing Wario noticed about this new location was the fact that it seemed mostly populated by animals. In fact, there was a tree in the middle of the square and a group of colorful animals were standing near it, giving each other gifts! There was a blue hedgehog, a yellow fox, a red echidna, a purple chameleon, a green crocodile, a purple (fat) cat, as well as a few others. The spirit didn't hang around these animals, however. Instead, he led Wario to an alleyway were a black hedgehog was standing, watching the festivities from afar.

"Hmph," The hedgehog grunted, "Stupid faker... Why does he care about some lousy holiday anyway?"

While he was ranting, another hedgehog, a pink one, approached.

"Shadow!" The pink hedgehog gasped, "What are doing back here? Why don't you join us by the tree?"

"Heh... You pathetic lifeforms don't understand how foolish you act at this time of year. What's the point?"

"Hey, spirit?" Wario questioned, "What's his rip, huh?"

"What ever it is," The spirit replied, grabbing a handful of spice, "He won't be that way for long! They know me everywhere!"

The spirit sprinkled spice on the black hedgehog, just as the pink one began talking again.

"Christmas is a time to be happy! I know you have a little... ahem... grudge against most of humanity, but you can't be alone on Christmas! Besides, I thought you could relate to Christmas, since it's about a man who came to earth to save it spiritually, kinda like how you saved it physically..."

"Wait a second..." Wario grumbled, "Save the earth!? That fuzzball saved the earth!? Was I off that week? When did that happen!?"

The spirit didn't reply, since he was busy watching the spice take its affect on the hedgehog.

"Man who saved the earth spiritually..." The black hedgehog repeated, "Maria told me about someone like that, but she died before she could tell the entire story... Could you... Please tell me about this man?"

"Why sure, Shadow!" The pink hedgehog replied, grabbing the black hedgehog's arm and leading him out to where the festivities were being held, "It was about two thousand years ago, when a young woman named Mary was visited by an angel of the Lord who..."

"Wow..." The spirit sighed, watching the two hedgehogs walk off, "Nothing like seeing my spice being able to bring people to the truth... Aw, geez! Look at the time! I've still have the rest of the world to cover!"

And so, the spirit led Wario on. They went _everywhere_, even to places Wario never knew existed. They visited places ranging from a medieval forest where a young kid in a green tunic named Link was leading the celebrations to a city where almost everyone had some sort of pet monster called a "Pokemon". And everywhere they went, the spirit sprinkled his spice and spread Christmas cheer to all the inhabitants of each location. As they were doing this, Wario noticed something strange about the spirit. As the night wore on, the spirit aged rapidly. Soon, instead of a small monkey, the spirit was a full grown gorilla with a necktie! When the spirit finished growing to this age, Wario realized that they were in a small town in the middle of the desert.

"So, spirit," Wario asked the spirit, almost talking to him in a buddy-buddy sort of way, "Where are we now? Dry Dry Desert?"

"Nope." The spirit replied in a now much more gruff voice, "This is a town that is sometimes called the 'City of David', and they usually have the _best _Christmas celebrations!"

The spirit led Wario down the streets until they found a cathedral. Inside, the place was packed, and a huge group of singers were standing in front of a large stained glass window, singing.

_Hark! the herald angels sing,  
"Glory to the newborn King!  
Peace on earth, and mercy mild,  
God and sinners reconciled."  
Joyful, all ye nations, rise,  
Join the triumph of the skies;  
With th' angelic host proclaim,  
"Christ is born in Bethlehem."  
Hark! the herald angels sing,  
"Glory to the newborn King!_

That was when it hit Wario like a two-by-four: The City of David... The spirit had led him to Bethlehem! Looking up at the stained glass window for the first time, he noticed it did indeed show a picture of the nativity, complete with the shining star at the top. Wario turned and tried to ask the spirit why he had led him here, but the spirit silenced him with his big, furry, paw.

"Wait." The spirit requested, "This verse is my favorite."

_Hail! the heav'n-born Prince of peace!  
Hail! the Son of Righteousness!  
Light and life to all he brings,  
Risen with healing in his wings  
Mild he lays his glory by,  
Born that man no more may die:  
Born to raise the sons of earth,  
Born to give them second birth.  
Hark! the herald angels sing,  
"Glory to the newborn King!_

When the song concluded, Wario himself was on the verge of crying, finally realizing what Luigi, Mona, and even (in a way) that pink hedgehog were telling him all this time. The spirit, seeing this, leaned over and whispered to Wario in the most sarcastic voice he heard that night.

"Try yelling at this batch of 'religious nutcases'. I dare you."

Wario felt like a complete pile of trash when he heard his own words used against him.

"Aw, don't be down in the dumps!" The spirit shouted in such a jolly voice compared to his previous comment that Wario thought he had a split personality, "Remember what I said earlier? We're gonna go back to your city now! I believe your nephew is throwing quite a party..."

The spirit dragged a still dejected Wario towards the cathedral doors, but when he opened them, they didn't lead outside. Instead, they led right into the living room of Luigi's mansion, where Wario's nephew was indeed throwing a huge party! The room was brightly lit and, sitting on a sofa in the middle of the room, laughing at some sort of just told joke, was none other than Luigi! Standing around him were a few people that Wario didn't recognize in particular, they just seemed to be a couple of shy-guys, bloopers, crazy daises, and the like. They all seemed to be laughing too. Apparently, whatever Luigi just said really brought the house down.

"Hey! Hey, Luigi!" One of the bloopers, still trying to recover from a laughing fit, gasped, "Do that again!"

"Ok, ok!" Luigi replied. He stood up, hunched over, made one of the most goofy looking "mad" faces one could think up, and bellowed in a ridiculously low pitched voice, "_Of course I mean it, you moron! What good is Christmas except for losing employees to some screwed-up little holiday that is only for whiny brats and religious lunatics!? If I had it my way, any idiot who'd even mention the word would be crushed under a Thwomp, chewed up by a Piranha Plant, and blown to bits by a Bob-omb!_"

The whole crowd burst out laughing again at Luigi's near perfect impersonation of Wario, some of them rolling on the floor, banging the ground with their fists. By the time they were done recovering, a woman came into the room wearing an apron around her orange dress.

"Alright, you clowns!" The woman yelled, "Stop trying to tear up the carpet! I just had that installed yesterday! Geez, I leave you boys alone for one minute to check up on the turkey, and my husband just _has_ to do his Wario impression..."

"Heh... Always listen to the lady of the house eh, Luigi?" A shy guy commented.

"Well, that's Daisy..." Luigi replied in between chuckles, "Anyway, how about we try listening to her for once and do something, you know, less rowdy. Say, did you guys remember to bring your GBAs? I've been wanting to try that Crystal Chronicles game in multiplayer for quite some time now!"

Luigi managed to round up four GBAs, and soon they were playing Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles like a bunch of D&D nerds. Luigi, having already played the game in single player, clearly was doing the best out of the other three players, who switched out every level so that everyone had a chance to play.

Eventually, Daisy popped her head in to announce that dinner was ready. The dinner was delicious: Turkey, mashed potatoes, green beans, and various other dishes were available for everyone to eat. Dessert was even better, Daisy brought out a "Birthday Cake" for Jesus (it was an angel cake, of course) and, after the cake was wolfed down faster than the rest of the meal, Luigi and the gang were back playing FF:CC.

Now, to say that Wario cheered up watching all this is a bit of an understatement. He was arguably having more fun at the party then Luigi was! Needless to say, Wario was quite disappointed when the spirit said it was time to go.

"Aw, come on..." Wario whined, "They just got to the Rebena Te Ra level. Can't I just stay and see them beat the game?"

"We don't have time." The spirit answered, "And there is still one more place I need to show you."

Suddenly the music, laughter, smells, everything, faded away and Wario found himself standing outside the window of the house owned by his poor, financially unstable, employee Mario. However, Mario wasn't home. Instead only his wife, Peach, and one of his sons, Baby Luigi, were home, and they were setting up the dinner table. Well, Peach was, since Baby Luigi was much too young to even reach the tabletop.

"Mommy!" Baby Luigi shouted, "When Daddy and me brodder comin' home? Where are dey now?"

"Oh, they just went out for some errands," Peach replied, "They'll be back soon. Oh! Look! Here they come!"

Wario turned away from the window and saw Mario walking up to the house. He was carrying what looked like groceries in both his hands and on his shoulders rode a child that almost looked like Mario himself, except he was younger of course. The child was wearing the same cap that Mario wore, and he even was wearing overalls. Mario and the child were talking, and both seemed very happy. However, the child rather often would start hacking uncontrollably, but he would always recover, and immediately continue talking to Mario like nothing ever happened. The two of them entered the house, where Mario was quickly greeted by Peach with a hug after he put everything down.

"Well," Peach began nagging sarcastically, "Were have you been? You're half an hour late!"

"Oh, well Baby Mario wanted to stop by the church," Mario answered, "He always behaves in there, and I think he likes visiting because he knows it's where he can talk to the one who can make him well..."

Mario appeared to be holding back tears as he said the last line.

Baby Mario, however, climbed up into his high chair and, between coughs, began cheering for his dad.

"Hey, Mommy!" Baby Mario celebrated, "You gotta see the turkey Daddy got! It is monstrosuliousous!"

"Ok, ok..." Peach replied, chuckling at Baby Mario's attempt to say monstrous, "First I have to get your brother in his high chair, then we can begin eating!"

Peach put Baby Luigi in his high chair as Mario began setting the food on the table. Tragically, compared to Luigi's dinner, Mario's didn't even look like it could feed a goomba. The "turkey" was a Cornish Game Hen, there was one measly spoonful of mashed potatoes, and there was about as many green beans as you can get from one plant. However, no one in the family complained in the least bit as Mario sat down and led the way in prayer.

"A Merry Christmas to all, and God bless us!"

The whole family repeated this except for Baby Mario, who said the prayer a little differently:

"God bless us, everyone!"

When the prayer was done, Mario held up his glass of water (which he made by bringing a cup of snow indoors) and prepared a toast:

"To Wario!" Mario shouted, "The founder of our feast!"

Naturally, a big smile formed on Wario's face when he heard his name used in a positive light.

"Founder of our feast my rear end!" Peach rebuked.

There went Wario's smile.

"Uh, Peach..." Mario mumbled, "The kids..."

"If I ever get my hands on him, I'll give him a piece of my mind to feast on!"

"Peach... The kids..."

"Don't you know what he puts you through every day of the year? Why on earth would you have a toast to him!?"

"But Mommy!" Baby Mario interrupted, "He did... HACK! COUGH! WHEEZE!... foundeded our feast! He gived us the money to buy the food!"

"Oh, heh heh..." Peach muttered, finding it hard to argue with the simple logic of a child, "I guess when you put it that way... To Wario!"

The family finished the toast and began eating what little food they had. They were poor, they were cold, and they were hungry, but they were happy. Watching Baby Mario once again start having a coughing fit, Wario turned to the spirit with a pained look on his face.

"Spirit, Mario's kid... He's gonna live, right? I mean, he just has a small cold or something, right?"

"If nothing happens to help the child..." The spirit began, "I can see an empty high chair, and a lone tiny cap hanging on the coat hanger without an owner."

"Wait..." Wario whispered, turning away from the spirit and looking back at Baby Mario, "You don't mean he's gonna..."

Suddenly, Wario felt himself get whacked over the head with something hard. Turning around he saw that the spirit had again aged, and this time, he was an old gorilla with a white beard and a walking stick (which, apparently, was what he had hit Wario with)!

"Of course he's gonna die, you nitwit!" The now cranky spirit shouted, "What did you expect? That he'd miraculously get better? This isn't a RPG! He's not just gonna rest in an inn and all his negative status effects just go away, dang it! You youngins just think that everything works just like a video game!"

The spirit stormed off and Wario quickly ran after him.

"Hey! Wait up, you old coot! How'd you age so fast, anyway?"

"Weren't you listenin' earlier? I only live one Christmas Eve! Heck, in about five minutes, I'm gonna die! Dang kids who don't respect their elders..."

Wario looked up at a nearby clock tower which showed, indeed, that it was five to three, when the third spirit would come.

"Now, you young hoodlum, do you have any other stupid questions?"

"Uh, yeah, actually..." Wario replied noticing something about the spirit, "I think there is something behind you. What is it?"

"Eh? Oh, you mean _this_?" The spirit asked as he stepped aside to reveal something horrifying.

There were two goombas, one male and one female. The boy was wearing a blue baseball cap and the girl was wearing a miner's helmet and had a ponytail, but that wasn't what made them so hideous. They were disfigured beyond belief, as if Mario had jumped on them a hundred times over with cleats, and they were a sickly yellow color. They were so... so... _ugly_ that not even the Koopa King himself could possibly stand them. Wario jumped back, appalled at the sight, and his face went slowly pale.

"Ack! Spirit! Are those your kids!?"

"What!? No!" The spirit replied, "They are mankind's kids! And they're stuck with me, appealing from their father. The boy's name is Ignorance, the Girl's Want. Avoid both of them, but definitely the boy, because he is doom!"

"B-But don't they have any r-refuge or s-something?"

"How about prison?" The spirit responded, using Wario's words against him for the final time, "That's where your tax dollars are going, aren't they?"

The spirit walked into the fog just as the clock struck three. Wario called to him, but he was gone. Panicking, Wario tried to figure out what would happen next.

"U-Uh... L-Let's see... T-There was past, there was p-present, that means that w-what comes next must be..."

Wario was slowly backing up all this time when he suddenly bumped into something. Turning around, he saw a tall phantom looming over him, his appearance completely covered by a black, hooded shroud. Upon seeing it, Wario could only croak out one hoarse word.

"Future..."


	4. Stave Four

After staring in shock at the phantom for about a minute, Wario performed the delayed reaction of completely freaking out. He hightailed it away from the phantom as fast as he could, but the now deserted and foggy city was an endless labyrinth. Everywhere he ran looked just like where he ran from, and at each intersection, he could see the phantom standing a short distance down one of the streets, looking at him. The chase ended when Wario, panicking too much to pay attention where he was going, ran dead-on (pun intended) into the phantom and landed on his big fat butt. Glancing nervously upward at the hooded monstrosity, Wario tried to communicate with it.

"Um... Y-You're t-the G-Ghost of C-Christmas F-Future, r-right?"

The spirit made no reply except for a single nod.

"I-I'm gonna t-take that as a y-yes..."

No reply.

"H-Hey, y-you got l-laryngitis or s-something?" Wario joked, trying to lighten up the drastically dark mood, "H-Heh, I'm h-hilarious..."

No reply.

"Erm... O-Ok, l-look..." Wario began, mustering up as enough courage to stop shuttering, "I know you look really scary, but I'm sure, just like the other two spirits, you're here for my own good. I am willing to go with you where ever you're planning on taking me! So, could you at least talk to me?"

No reply.

"Alright! Fine! You can keep you're big can shut for all I care! Let's get this blasted thing over with!"

Wario and the spirit began walking, and the city soon became populated again. However, the city wasn't in a natural light. Instead the whole city seemed to be washed out like some old B-Rate horror movie. As they walked down the streets, the spirit stopped and pointed his claw-like arm, the only thing visible from under the cloak, out at a small group of business people. Wario listened in on the conversation:

"Well, all I know about it is that he's dead," said an old toad with brown spots on his mushroom head.

"When did he die?" asked a bean-shaped female in a yellow robe.

"I believe last night."

"Anyone know how the ol' scallywag died?" an old bob-omb who was wearing a sea admiral's cap questioned in a heavy British accent.

"I don't think they preformed the autopsy yet and I don't think anyone wants to either," replied the toad.

"Oh my! Did he leave a will?" a weird, purple, ghost-like lady asked.

"Not that I know of," the elderly toad answered, "Probably thought he could take it with him."

The joke was met with a chain of laughs.

"There probably won't even be a funeral," the same toad stated, "considering his complete lack of friends. Maybe we should volunteer to go?"

"If there's food," replied the ghost woman, "then again, that would probably ruin my diet."

More laughter.

"Well, I'm not really interested at all," began the toad, "I despise wearing black, and I don't eat much anyhow. However, if anyone else wants to go, I'll go. After all, he talked to me once or twice, which is as close as anyone could probably get to being a friend with him. Bye, bye!"

The group dispersed, leaving Wario clueless on what they were talking about. It certainly wasn't Waluigi that had died, since he died in the _past_, and this was the future. Wario couldn't think of anyone who was alive in the present that could have died in the future either. He resolved that, whenever he ran into his future self, he would listen carefully to what it said, in hopes of it revealing the identity of the deceased. However, when they went by the WarioWare building, Wario noticed that it had changed a little bit. The sign on the front of the building said "Flavio Enterprises Inc.", indicating that he had apparently closed down the business.

The spirit led Wario away from his old office and down an alleyway. On the other side was a section of the city Wario always avoided since it had a rather bad reputation. The houses were run-down, it stank of human filth, and the whole place was dirty. In fact, it was almost worse than Rogueport! The spirit led Wario farther and farther into this den of thieves and scoundrels until he led him into a sad excuse for a building that was apparently a pawn shop. Random items were sprawled across the floor, none of them having any particular use (especially the dried shrooms that made up the majority of the mess). Sitting at a desk at the far end of the room was an old, blue-skinned, guy with sunglasses and a cowboy hat.

As Wario approached the guy, the door opened and a dark, old woman entered. She was wearing a blue-stripped, pointy hat and was attached to the ground by some sort of tail, which created a round shadow as it touched the floor. She also had a huge sack over her shoulders. She had barely entered the shop when another old hag that looked like a female magikoopa who also had a huge bag stepped in, and _she_ was quickly followed by a bed sheet ghost wearing a party hat! They all looked at each other, and the first woman was the first to speak.

"So, we all have stuff to pawn, eh?" the shadow woman asked, "Fine! Freak-in-a-Sheet can go first, the ol' witch can go second, and I'll go last since we all want to save the best for last..."

"Um..." the ghost mumbled, "My name's Doopliss, but..."

"Eh, I don't really give a darn tootin' which one of yous goes first!" the manager of the store shouted, "Just show me yer stuff already!"

The ghost took his hat off and dumped its contents on the desk. It wasn't much, just another dried shroom, a half used up pencil, and a shirt button.

"What's this load of cow dung, eh?" the manager yelled, "I can't even give you one coin for all this hogwash! Now, get!"

"Geez..." the ghost muttered as he walked out the door dejectedly, "I'm just the undertaker's assistant. I can only get what was on him in his coffin..."

"Yeah, whatever... Next!"

The old witch stepped up next and dumped out her "treasures": a pair of boots, a towel, and (ew!) a soggy pair of underwear.

"Woo wee!" the manager gagged out, "That pair of tiddey-widdies smells worse than a manure farm in Dry-Dry Desert in August! Here's ten coins if you take that blasted undergarment with you!"

The witch complied, and the shadow woman came up.

"Now, check _my_ booty..." the woman requested.

"Only if you mean what's in this bag..." the manager shuttered as he undid the knot.

When he emptied the bag, a sudden outburst of green fabric jumped out of the sack and covered his desk. There were also a set of gold rings lining down one side of the cloth.

"What in Sam's heck..." the manager mumbled, "...Bed-curtains!?"

"Told you mine was the best," the woman repeated.

"What did ya do, steal these while he was lyin' there cold as a stone!?"

"Yeah, and his blanket, too! He's not gonna need it where he's goin'!"

The two of them laughed uproariously while Wario looked on. Terrified, Wario tuned towards the spirit who was still staring at the two scum in the pawn shop.

"S-Spirit?" Wario shuttered, "T-this guy who e-everyone is looking d-down on... I-Is it... Me?..."

Suddenly, the scene changed to a room too dark to make anything out. When Wario looked at the spirit for direction, it only pointed towards the far end of the room, where dim moonlight was cast on a bed (with no bed-curtains, naturally), and upon the bed was a body. Nervously, shaking with every step he took, Wario approached the bed. The body was covered in a white sheet, so easy to pull aside and reveal to Wario who everyone was talking so negatively about, but he couldn't get himself to do it. Instead, he turned back to the spirit.

"Look," Wario began, "I get the message, and this place is giving me the creeps. Can we leave now?"

The spirit remained silent, only pointing towards the bed.

"Yeah, yeah, I know... But I just _can't_. The guy's dead! I just can't mess with a dead guy's body! That's just wrong!"

Still silent, still pointing.

"Ok, look... Is there even anyone who actually can show emotion about this guy's death!?" Wario shouted.

The spirit raised its robe with its hand, like it was wing, and immediately withdrew it, revealing a well-lit room behind. A mother toad and her children were in the room, and while the children played, the mother was pacing back and forward nervously, like she was expecting someone. Eventually, that someone entered the room, revealing it to be the father. The mother approached the father and began to ask him questions.

"Well..." She asked nervously, "Is it good... Or bad?"

"It was... Interesting." He replied

"Does that mean we're ruined?"

"Not exactly..."

"You mean, he might still hire you?"

"I don't think he will hire me... Since he's dead."

The mother gasped, with a panicked look on her face.

"Turns out the secretary was right the last time I tried to get the job," the father continued, "I thought he told her to tell me that to try and avoid me. Now I see that that was true: Not only was he very ill, now he's dead!"

"But how will you get a job now!? What about the children?..."

"Relax, dear. Another man had already brought the company when I went for the job interview! Not only that, he hired me! And he's giving me twice of what I would get as a salary if I had joined the other man's business!"

The mother hugged the father in joy of his sudden employment opportunity, and even the kids who were listening in started celebrating, even though they had no clue what their parents were talking about. It seemed like the only emotion caused by this man's death that the spirit could show Wario was one of happiness.

"Uh... Ok..." Wario grumbled, "Let me rephrase that: Is there anyone who is UPSET over someone dying!?"

The spirit, seeming to take advantage of Wario's lack of specification on who died that one was upset over, led him out of the room and back into the city streets. After a short walk, the spirit showed Wario towards a church cemetery. Makes sense, since one usually grieves for another's death at a cemetery. What shocked Wario, however, was who it was that was doing the grieving.

Mario was looking over one of the headstones in the cemetery, with Peach and Baby Luigi standing a little distance behind him. In Mario's hands was the small cap that his son, Baby Mario, had worn. Silently, Mario kneeled on the ground and placed the cap on top of the headstone. He looked at the headstone for a moment, with tears building up in his eyes, before saying one final goodbye to his son.

"At least you are finally with the one who can make you well." Mario whispered.

That was all Mario said. He got up, took his wife by the hand, and the three remaining members of the family slowly walked out of the cemetery.

"Spirit..." Wario sobbed, finally realizing the error of his ways, "Please tell me that this is just a 'shadow' of the future, like how Pasty showed me only 'shadows' of the past! You gotta tell me that this can be prevented! You gotta..."

Wario was interrupted by someone else in the cemetery who began yelling.

"Hey, this is one heck of a funeral, huh!?"

Wario turned and noticed that two koopa troopas were digging a fresh grave. One had a green shell, the other a red.

"Yeah, tell me about it!" the one with the red shell replied, "I've thrown parties that were considered duds before, but I woulda never thought that a funeral could be a dud! I mean, no mourners!? What kinda funeral is this, anyway!? How about we take a break and have a little snack, eh? He ain't gettin' any deader!"

The two koopa troopas dug their shovels into the ground and walked off. Wario, figuring that this was probably the grave of the ever-so-popular dead guy everyone was talking about, walked up to it, with the spirit right behind him, and looked at the coffin six feet below.

"Hey, uh, spirit..." Wario mumbled, "Who _is_ this dead guy, anyway?"

Suddenly, a fireball blasted past Wario and into the grave, setting the coffin on fire. With the light from the now blazing coffin, Wario could easily read the headstone, which had _his_ name carved into it. Franticly looking back at the spirit, Wario saw that it had taken its hood off to reveal the horrifying face of one really big mutant turtle... with horns... and fire red hair...

"Why, it's yours, Wario..." the spirit began, before suddenly kicking Wario off the ledge and into the grave, "THE RICHEST MAN IN THE CEMETERY!!!"

Wario landed in the coffin and it slammed shut. Wario tried to open it, but despite the fact that the wood the coffin was made out of looked rotted (and that it was now on fire), it refused to open. Looking through the cracks in the top, he could see the spirit pick up one of the shovels the koopa troopas left and begin burying him alive!

"WAIT! SPIRIT!" Wario screamed, pounding on the coffin door, "DON'T DO THIS TO ME!"

The spirit only laughed evilly, continuing to shovel dirt down the hole. Soon, dirt was getting inside the coffin, some of it falling in Wario's mouth, but that wasn't the worst of it. The coffin was still on fire, and the fire was spreading onto Wario's clothes!

"SPIRIT! STOP!" Wario continued to yell, "YOU WIN! I'LL CHANGE! I'LL CHANGE!!!"

As if those words were magic, the whole scene suddenly altered drastically. The coffin shriveled up and, instead of banging on a coffin door, Wario was now punching his bed sheets into the air.


	5. Stave Five

Yep. His bed sheets, on his bed, in his room. When Wario realized this, he immediately leaped out of bed and began dancing around joyously.

"YAHOO!!!" Wario yelled, "I'M ALIVE!!! And I swear I will be much nicer now! I'll make sure that that 'shadow' of the future will remain a shadow!"

He began trying to run everywhere at once, noticing areas where the spirits had visited him the night before.

"Hey! There's the bedpost that I busted when I tried to punch Pasty! And the sitting room where Waluigi sat with me and..."

As Wario ran into the sitting room, he slipped on a banana peal lying in the doorway. Rather than get upset, Wario got seemingly happier.

"It's one of the banana peals the Ghost of Christmas Present must have left behind! That means it was, without a doubt, all real!"

Wario then began to attempt to get ready for the day. It was hard, though. He was so happy, he hardly noticed that he was putting various articles of clothing on either inside-out, backwards, or upside-down.

"Hey, wait a second..." Wario mumbled, "I don't know what day it is! YIKES!!!"

Wario, realizing this, ran to his bedroom window, poked his head out, and, to his luck, one of the carolers that he had tried to blow up the day before was walking by outside. When Wario called to him, the still terrified toad ran and hid behind a tree, expecting to be blown into oblivion again.

"Woah! Hey, kid, relax!" Wario called out, "I'm not gonna try to blow you up again! I was... uh... in a bad mood that day, that's all! Speaking of which, what day is today?"

"Eh?" The caroler asked in confusion.

"WHAT DAY IS TODAY!?" Wario shouted, figuring the caroler couldn't hear him.

"Today? Why, it's Christmas Day! What, did you think you slept through the entire day, or something?"

"Actually..." Wario pondered to himself, thinking of the times he _had_ slept over 24 hours, "Aw, it doesn't matter! The spirits managed to do it all in one night! Now, I have Christmas Day to make amends for... for... everything!"

"Um... Hello? Are you still there?"

"Oh! Yeah! I'm still here! Listen, do you know where the store where Tayce T. works at is?

"Actually, Tayce T. retired. Zess T. works there now."

"Uh, right... Anyway, did they sell the giant turkey hanging in the window yet?"

"You mean the one that is bigger then us toads? Nope! It's still there!"

The toad caroler immediately ducked as Wario threw a huge bag of money at him.

"Then go down there and buy it! And deliver it to Mario's place! If the turkey is too heavy to carry, take a cab, if you must! Oh, and keep the change!"

"Ok! Sure thing!" The caroler replied, grabbing the bag of money and running off, "Merry Christmas, Sir!"

"Oh, boy!" Wario mused to himself, "That thing is probably four times the size of Baby Mario! And Mario won't know who gave him that turkey! Won't he be in for a shock when he finds out I sent it to him!"

Wario glanced over at the wall clock and suddenly freaked out.

"YIKES! I JUST REMEMBERED! I TOLD MY EMPLOYEES THAT THEY HAD WORK TODAY!!! I GOTTA GET TO WARIOWARE, AND FAST!!!"

Grabbing two more bags of money, Wario raced out the door and into the streets, greeting everyone there with a big, cheesy grin and a "Merry Christmas!" On his way, he (almost literally) ran into the old goomba who had come into his office the day before with the koopa troopa trying to raise money for that "No Toad Left Behind" thing.

"Oh, no. Not you again..." The goomba grumbled, "Look, I think you made yourself clear yesterday that you don't want to offer any..."

He was cut off when Wario dropped one of the bags of money at his feet. After looking in the bag at how much was actually inside, the old goomba simply looked dumbfounded at Wario as he ran off saying "Merry Christmas!" to him just like everyone else.

Wario ran to the mall and did some _really_ last-minute shopping before running over to WarioWare Inc. He put everything he had just bought in a box on the building's welcome mat and then nailed a notice to the front door (hard to do, considering it was a revolving door). Once he did this, he hid and watched as his workers sadly walked down the street and to the office.

"Aw, man..." Kat whined, "I can't believe we have to work on Christmas!"

"Tell me about it!" Mona continued, "Wario is such a jerk!"

"I don't mind having to work that much," 9-Volt mumbled, dejectedly holding a PSP in his hands, "what's really annoying is that my mom got me the wrong handheld! I wanted a DS, not a PSP! I swear, I've only been playing this thing since I left my house, which is only two blocks away, and already I'm getting a low battery warning!"

"Hey, guys, look!" Jimmy shouted, "There's a letter on the front door! And a box right under it!"

Curiosity got everyone to start running up to the entrance. Jimmy was the first to get there, so he pulled the note off the door and began reading it to himself.

"Well?" Dribble asked inpatiently, "What's it say?"

"I don't believe it!" Jimmy gasped, "It's from Wario! And look at what it says:

_Attention All Employees:_

_It has come to my attention that maybe I've been a bit of a loser when it comes to Christmas. I'll try to keep it simple: I'm sorry. You all have the rest of the week off, so you can celebrate both Christmas and New Year's. Also, inside the box are all of your Christmas gifts from me. Now, go home and celebrate Christmas with your family or else you're FIRED!!!_

_Wario, CEO of WarioWare Inc._

Wow! This is Wario's handwriting! He certainly did write this! What are we waiting for? Let's see what he got us!"

Everyone immediately crowded around the box and began pulling out wrapped presents for themselves. It didn't take long before they were announcing to the world what they had got.

"Hey, Spitz!" Dribble shouted, "Wario got us a satellite radio for our cab! How cool is that?"

"Ana, look!" Kat exclaimed, flashing two shinny new ninja swords around, "Aren't these awesome?"

"YES!!!" 9-Volt yelled, stuffing his PSP in his back pocket and immediately forgetting about it, "I DID GET A DS AFTER ALL!!!"

"Eh? What's this?" Jimmy muttered as he pulled his gift out of the box, "A new cell phone? That's kinda cool, but my old cell phone works fine..."

"Wait a sec!" 9-Volt interrupted, snatching the phone from Jimmy's hands and looking at the model name, "Why... Why... It's a Japanese 900 series iMode PHS!!! This is the phone that can play Before Crisis – Final Fantasy VII!!! Where did Wario get this!?!?"

"Uh... What? You lost me. Does it still play my micro games?"

"Are you kiddin'? Of course it can play them! BC-FFVII is a RPG, for crying out loud! If it can play that, then it can play your micro games!"

"Oh, ok. I don't care so much about RPGs, as long as I can still play my micro games."

9-Volt proceeded to have a coronary over Jimmy's lack of appreciation for the ridiculously rare gift, but it didn't last, since everyone was happy with the gifts Wario got them. Soon, they returned home to have Christmas with their families. Mona, however, couldn't get past the group while they were looking for their gifts, so she had to wait until they all left before being able to even get near the box. It didn't take her long to find her gift, and what it was shocked her.

"W-What?..." Mona shuttered, "A d-diamond r-ring? But why..."

She turned around and saw Wario, standing on the other side of the street, holding a small bouquet of flowers.

"So... Uh..." Wario mumbled, as embarrassed as Mona was shocked, "You believe in second chances?"

Mona's answer was in the form of running across the street and giving Wario a big hug (eww... romance...). After saying some mushy stuff that would be an intrusion of privacy to quote, the two of them spent the rest of the day together. They went to a Christmas Day church service (the first church service Wario went to in recent memory), had a little lunch, and generally had a very awkward, but very cute date. After seeing her home, Wario decided he would take up his nephew's offer about Christmas Day dinner. He went to his nephew's mansion and, after about a minute or so of hesitation, knocked on the door. Luigi himself was the one to open the door, and he was, needless to say, a little surprised to see his uncle standing there.

"Woah! Uncle! What are you doing here!?"

"What do you think I'm here for? To have Christmas dinner with you, of course! Will you let me in?"

Let him in!? Wario was lucky Luigi didn't shake his hand off! Wario certainly had a wonderful time at his nephew's house, and so did all the other guests who Luigi had invited. Without a doubt, Wario couldn't have been happier as the dinner carried on into the night. Unfortunately, the party was also tiring, proven by the fact that when Wario returned home, he wasted no time getting ready for bed and quickly fell asleep.

However, Wario didn't sleep in the next morning. As a matter of fact, he got up early so he could get to the WarioWare building before Mario. Wario suspected that, since Mario didn't know about Wario having everyone take the week off, he would come to work that day, but he would probably be late.

Wario's guess was right. Not only did Mario come in late, he had apparently forgotten about Wario telling him that he had to come to the office an hour earlier that day! The first thing Mario saw when he entered the building was Wario, who was doing his best to act like he did before he met the spirits.

"Mario!" Wario sneered, "What are you doing coming in late? And doing so when I specifically told you to come in early?"

"U-Uh... S-Sorry s-sir..." Mario stuttered, "I-I completely f-forgot..."

"Uh, huh. Sure you are. Now, I can only see one way to punish you for your tardiness..." Wario began as grabbed Mario by his shirt collar and pulled him in real close, "And that is... To make you my partner!"

Mario looked at Wario like he had two heads. Franticly, Mario pulled himself from Wario's grasp and, for a moment, thought about using the desk phone to call the insane asylum.

"Merry Christmas, Mario!" Wario shouted in all sincerity as he patted Mario on the back, "And I'll make sure that it's merry! I'll give you a promotion and even help your poor family! How about we talk about it over dinner at your house? I'm pretty sure that you have leftovers from that giant turkey I sent you yesterday..."

Wario kept his word a hundred times over, and Baby Mario, who did _not_ die, looked at Wario as his second father. Overall, Wario had become a good man, a good Christian, and, eventually, a good husband to Mona. Sure, some people laughed at him about his sudden change in attitude, but what did he care? He was Wario!

He never saw another spirit, but he knew that, somehow, they were probably watching, so he kept Christmas close to his heart for the rest of his life. May that be true for each and every one of us! And, as Baby Mario said: _God bless us, everyone_!


End file.
